Brazzers is, along with Xvideos and Pornhub, one of the biggest porn videos on the planet. Of course, you already knew this, reading as you are a review of Brazzers Premium.
So I’m not entirely sure why I’m telling you this beyond the fact that I’ve gotta open this motherfucking review with some sort of intro. So why don’t you get off my case, Karen?
Speaking of Karens, I’m not your traditional cum-flecked purveyor of online pornography. I’m something of a Karen myself, except for the fact that my name is not actually Karen.
It’s similar in that it’s a girl’s name, but that’s all the information you’ll be getting out of me during a Brazzers Premium review.
Anyway, I’m really getting off-topic here. Brazzers Premium review. Let’s just disregard the last 200 words and get down to brass tacks.
What is Brazzers Premium? Is it worth having (yes it is)? And if so (it is), how do I get in on it?
Short on time? The short and sweet is that Brazzers is a global leader in the filthiest porn of the highest quality that’s so good, you can almost feel the cumshots! You can check it out for yourself here.
Not convinced yet? Then join me, fellow porn aficionado, as we investigate the brave new world of paying for porn when we don’t have to…
What Is Brazzers Premium?
Oh so we’re pretending like we don’t know what a premium account on a porn site is again are we? Fine. Brazzers Premium is a paid account for Brazzers.com.
Now, you’ve no doubt heard of Brazzers, even if you’ve never visited the site because their watermark appears on like 20% of every video on PornHub/XVideos.
This is due to a little trick the Brazzers people like to call ‘marketing’, in which they put excerpts of their shit on PornHub for free so that you’ll go pay money to watch the full-length video over on their website.
Sometimes this works, but often it doesn’t. This is because there is just so much free porn out there, you guys.
You could spend the rest of your life doing nothing but watching free porn and probably still not reach the end of the internet. Which brings us to my (your) next question: why on earth would you pay for porn?
Why On Earth Would You Pay For Porn?
Because there is porn, and there is porn. Brazzers is – if you’ve ever seen any of their free clips on tube sites (you have) – the latter. It’s high-quality shit with hot performers, all filmed in HD.
That’s right – there’s no nasty 360p shit on the Brazzers website. You quite literally get what you pay for.
Brazzers has been going for 13 years, and all that time, they’ve been putting out original content. That means they have a massive back-catalog of stuff on their website – over 4,000 hours, in fact, almost entirely in glorious HD and entirely fantastic.
Now that I’ve undoubtedly convinced you of why a Brazzers Premium account is amazing and definitely worth a second mortgage, let’s look at…
How Much Is A Brazzers Premium Account?
Like a man fucking an ice cream stand, Brazzers Premium comes in several flavors:
- The two-day trial is the cheapest option. This is because it only lasts for two days. It will set you back a mere $1.
- For those on a budget, a week-long membership will cost $7.
- If the purse strings stretch far enough, a month-long subscription will lighten your load by $29.99.
- If you’re Elon Musk, hurry up before Twitter bankrupts you and get an annual subscription for the king’s ransom that is $119.99.
Naturally, the longer you go for, the more money you save.
Who Are The Best Porn Stars On Brazzers?
As I mentioned earlier, one of the reasons you and Bezos are paying top dollar for Brazzers Premium is because of all that sweet premium ass they’ve got.
You’re probably wondering exactly who comprises all that primo tail, so let’s satisfy your curiosity and look at the pick of the bunch.
Keiran Lee
Wot’s all this, then? A fackin’ Bri’ish porn star? It certainly is, boys and girls, and not just any Bri’ish porn star, but one of the finest working in the industry today.
Hailing from Derby in England, Keiran reckons he’s just an “ordinary bloke” (they talk funny in England), but would an “ordinary bloke” be sticking his dick in everything that moves?
OK, that was a bad example. What I’m saying is that Keiran has got a massive cock, and is happy to let everyone know it.
Suttin
Feeling horny? Why don’t you do Suttin? This cock-hungry, deep-throating slut hails from California and is a consummate professional at taking as much cock as is humanly possible.
She’s still something of a newcomer on Brazzers, but she’s already bringing her A-game with some truly phenomenal scenes.
Gabbie Carter
A porn star whose output is exceeded only by the liters of spunk she’s coaxed from the throbbing members of her male co-stars, Gabbie Carter’s been around the block and isn’t afraid who knows it.
She self-describes as “very bisexual”, too, so there’s plenty of clam chowder thrown into the mix for good measure.
Ivy Lebelle
Though citation is very much needed on Ivy Lebelle’s name, there is nothing fake about her amazing 34D tits (full disclosure: there might be).
Ivy’s very much a thinking man/woman/person’s porn star, provided that person is covered in biker tats and isn’t averse to a bottle of Jack and a fist-fight as their evening entertainment.
That, of course, and watching Ivy Lebelle get deep-dicked over a pool table.
Bunny Colby
If you thought there was something not quite natural about Ivy Lebelle and her 34D tits, then I’ve got good news for you – 36F Bunny Colby’s boobs are as genuine as her name.
She’s one of Brazzers’ top female performers for one reason and one reason only – she’s really, really good at fucking.
OK, that’s not true – she’s also super hot. And has 36F tits. There are lots of reasons she’s one of the top performers, is what I’m saying.
Charles Deras
Charles is what you get if you google “male porn star”. He looks like if Mario developed a six-pack and a burning desire to creampie every woman in the tristate area.
Charles used to be a marine, and he puts all that training to good use with the most effective cock and awe tactics his co-stars have ever seen.
Molly Stewart
This rootin’, tootin’ all-American girl is rocking an all-American set of 32DD tits and a can-do attitude that sees her fucking boys and girls alike.
She’s particularly fond of taking a shot in the ass and alternates getting blasted in the mouth with long walks on the beach.
What Porn Categories Does Brazzers Premium Have?
Being a premium site, Brazzers has all the usual suspects on hand – MILF, step-sister, ebony, lesbian, teen, etc. etc. etc. You’re no stranger to porn sites; you know the drill.
That said, Brazzers is curiously puritanical when it comes to more niche types of porn (read: porn that isn’t for straight dudes).
Even trans porn – which, let’s face it, is about as mainstream as straight-up male-female porn at this stage – is a little thin on the ground, with videos only in the double digits.
If you’re a gay dude? Forget it and get back to PornHub.
What I Like About Brazzers Premium
Brazzers Premium really is a decent option for those who have the cash for it (and let’s face it Elon — if you can afford Twitter you can afford this).
It’s got a huge back-catalog, and its scenes are generally of great quality with great performers.
What I Don’t Like About Brazzers Premium
Brazzers can feel a little like porn for Puritans at times. It’s 2023, and it’s a little odd to visit a porn site that has like 8 trans videos and no gay ones at all.
On top of that, the stable of porn stars definitely veers towards those of the Caucasian persuasion.
It’s also taking Brazzers a little bit of time to get with the 4K game, and a lot of videos are still in 1080p or lower.
This isn’t a deal-breaker, and they are making inroads into ultra HD. It’s just taking a little while.
Is Brazzers Premium Worth It?
In a nutshell: yes, I’d say Brazzers Premium is worth the purchase. It’s got a really extensive archive of high-quality porn, and as long as you’re not after anything a bit kinkier or out there, there’s content to keep you busy for – quite literally – weeks of your life.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for anything LGBTQ, chances are Brazzers isn’t going to scratch that itch.
That’s fine – there are other resources out there for that kind of thing – but it’s worth knowing that before you go ahead and splurge $1 on their 2-day trial.
Who knows when you’re going to see that kind of money again?
[…] However, it struggles when it comes to playing videos and overall site design. So I’m going to opt for porn sites with a better user experience. […]