Whenever I find myself coming to review one of these ‘gold’ or ‘premium’ porn site accounts (such as XNXX Gold), I find myself wondering why we pay for porn when there’s so much free shit out there.
Then I start reviewing the good shit, and I’m reminded why I occasionally shell out $200 at a steakhouse instead of $4 on a Big Mac: because it’s better.
But not in all cases, it has to be said. You can pay $200 for a steak and still have terrible service, or be seated next to the bathroom, or your starter can be cold, or you can just plain have a bad steak.
And premium porn is that way, too. Paying for it does not guarantee satisfaction, and you’ll sometimes be left wishing that you were chowing down on that Big Mac anyway. (Free porn. The Big Mac is free porn.)
This brings us, in a really convoluted way, to XNXX Gold.
What Is XNXX Gold?
XNXX Gold is the deluxe experience for – you guessed it – XNXX. It’s the best way to sample the high-end benefits of the site with none of the drawbacks that come with surfing for free. There are no ads, you can download hi-res videos, and Gold subscribers get access to premium content and full-length movies thrown in with their subscription. So there’s a fair bit, is what I’m saying.
The Quality Of Porn You Can Expect To Find
For a start, XNXX has 8.4 million videos in its catalog. It attracts about 2.4 billion hits monthly and is (at the time of writing) the 14th most popular website in the world.
But it’s the 14th most popular website in the world precisely because it offers a bunch of free porn. Why bother paying when you have all that free porn to browse? We’ve been over this, sweetie.
HD And Ultra HD Content
The free porn is great (and I do mean that) but if you want the cream of the crop, it’s worth splashing out for Gold. You’ll get some HD porn for free, sure, but a lot of the free content comes in SD and it’s a bit of a crap shoot.
With Gold, you’re guaranteed access to a whole bunch of primo HD porn. And I’m not just talking about 1080p; Gold is the place to find all the top-drawer 4K stuff that XNXX has to offer.
As a Gold member, you can also download any or all of those videos at no extra cost. And if you should somehow get through the 190,000 4K videos they currently have, fear not – they upload 250 new titles daily, meaning you’ll basically never run out of ultra-high-quality content.
On top of the massive collection of Ultra HD porn that the platform adds daily, they also produce their own content – exclusive to Gold members.
These videos are directed and produced by some of the best in the business and feature the hottest porn stars around.
Think of them as the Amazon Prime of porn, except instead of getting the Rings of Power; you get the Rings Deflowered (that’s a butt-fucking joke).
Whether or not exclusive content is a hook for you is very much up to you, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to have some top-notch porn with great production values to hand.
You’re not going to find any categories with XNXX Gold that you don’t get with the vanilla package, but you will get more videos within those categories (including those much-vaunted ultra-HD bad boys).
In terms of categories offered… wow. It’s a pretty extensive list that’s longer than this article itself, with a whopping 2,000 categories to hand.
Unlike a lot of sites that only seem to cater to straight white dudes, too, there’s something for everyone.
XNXX has an extensive library of gay and trans porn and a lot of porn designed to cater to straight women. You really can’t argue with the variety on display here.
Pornography Sans Ads
That header up there is a fancy French way of saying that if you plump for XNXX Gold, then you’ll be able to enjoy your wanking experience without popups, pop-unders, and any other manner of pop-inclined ads getting in the way of things.
This seems like a small thing, but anybody who’s got a YouTube Premium account can appreciate what a game-changer it is.
I’m not just talking about XNXX Gold Originals here; I’m talking about feature-length content from any studio, including some big ones like Reality Kings or Brazzers.
You get teasers for the big studios’ content all the time on sites like XNXX, it’s one of their primary marketing methods, but it’s rare that you get to see feature-length stuff as a free user.
With XNXX Gold, you don’t only get access to in-house original productions but also a bunch of movies from other studios.
I realize that this isn’t going to be a priority for everybody. Still, by buying premium subscriptions (rather than just browsing for free), you’re supporting your favorite creators and performers, and ensuring that they’ll be able to keep putting content out.
After all, if everybody stuck to free porn, there’d be no porn at all.
The XNXX Gold Site Design
This is where XNXX lets the side down a little. The design of the site is fine, I guess, but it’s pretty damn ugly.
The color scheme consists of an incomprehensibly bright blue background, and the text is yellow. I don’t know about you, but I get a headache just thinking about yellow text on a blue background. It’s awful.
If anyone from XNXX is reading this, I implore you: pretty please, with sugar on top, change that shit. I feel like I’m going to have an epileptic shock looking at it, and I’m like 70% sure I don’t have epilepsy.
Beyond the color scheme, XNXX does the job. It’s got its categories down the left, a bunch of tabs at the top, and the bulk of the screen (~85%) taken up with thumbnails of videos. If you hover over a thumbnail, you get a video preview. It’s standard porn tube stuff all around.
The search function is basic but functional and is generally fine at finding whatever sick, twisted fetish it is you’re looking for.
That said, it could probably do with the ability to apply multiple filters in order to get to what you’re looking for even faster (I’ve seen this on a few other websites, and it rocks).
All told, the site design is perfectly fine. Ugly as hell, but fine.
How Much Is XNXX Gold?
Per month, it’s $9.99. You can save on this considerably by paying for a year upfront, in which case it’s reduced to $95.98, or $7.99/month.
What I Like About XNXX Gold
There’s a lot to love about XNXX Gold. The Originals are pretty great (and there’s that added elitist knowledge that nobody else out there has access to them except you and your Gold homies), and there’s a bunch of 4K porn (and more by the day).
It’s always a nice little quality-of-life touch to do away with ads, and though it seems like a little thing, it really does make a big difference.
I know that it’s pretty standard for premium accounts to block ads, but it’s worth mentioning here because it’s just so much better.
$10 a month better? That’s for you to decide, and let’s remember that we’re not just paying for a glorified ad-blocker.
Finally, it’s nice that there’s so much feature-length stuff (Gold Originals notwithstanding). Too much porn is 5 minutes and done.
Sure – sometimes that’s all you need. But sometimes you just wanna PornHub and chill, y’know? Except on XNXX.
What I Don’t Like About XNXX Gold
There’s not too much to go in the negative column, to be honest. Except for the horrendous color scheme. I mentioned the color scheme, right? It looks like an Angelfire site circa 1997.
I keep looking for the visit counter at the bottom of every page. I’m surprised it’s not asking you to visit other sites in its webring. If you don’t understand anything of what I’m saying, go fuck yourself, zoomer.
Also, they could do with getting some search filters in there. Search filters are seriously the best, you guys. Give me more filters. I can handle it.
XNXX Gold is a great option if you have a disposable income. In return for your ten dollars a month (or eight dollars a month over a year), you’re getting access to some great extras and the ability to banish ads to the ether forever.
Couple that with the astonishingly deep back-catalog of filthy, dirty 4K content that keeps growing daily, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for success.
That’s if you can get past the Geocities esthetic, of course. Change the colors, guys. But except for that, XNXX is a winner, and you should absolutely get yourself a month to try it out.
Hell, why not go nuts and get a year? I mentioned the savings, right? Treat yourself. Get a year.
|Exclusive access to remastered porn originals||Weird color scheme|
|Tonnes of epic 4K content updated regularly||Needs more search filters|
|Zero annoying ads, just porn!|