When reviewing porn flicks, it’s always nice to have one that’s got an actual story to really sink your teeth into.
It’s even better when that story is lifted whole cloth from a much better writer than your average porn scribe.
I don’t mean to disparage your average porn scribe, of course, but I think we can all agree that Charles fuckin’ Dickens is generally considered to be pretty good.
The subject of today’s review is the little-examined 1975 movie, The Passions Of Carol. No, it’s not about the febrile masturbatory sessions of an oversexed middle-aged housewife, but is rather a re-telling of Dickens’ immortal classic, A Christmas Carol.
I suppose it was too much of an effort to come up with some clever pun like A Dickless Carol or something.
The Passions Of Carol: Overview
- Release date: 1975
- Runtime: 76 minutes
- Starring: Mary Stuart, Kim Pope, Jamie Gillis, Arturo Millhouse, Kevin Andre, Shaun Costello, Susan Sloan, Day Jason, Toni Scott, Marc Stevens, Sonny Landham, Alan Marlow, Ashley Moore, Carter Stevens
- Director: Shaun Costello
The Passions Of Carol: Plot
The improbably-named Carol Scrooge is the miserly owner of an adult mag named Biva magazine, which features mostly nude male models.
She forces her employees to work Christmas Eve because she is a bitch, and also forces some of them into sexual liaisons because she is a horny bitch.
(A brief aside: one of Carol’s conquests is an Elvis impersonator played by SONNY FUCKING LANDHAM. Film buffs will recognize him as Billy from Predator. It’s frankly insane that he’s here in this 70’s porno.)
She is visited at home by the famous three ghosts. The Ghost of Christmas Past takes her to her childhood and the sexual manipulations she visited upon her friends (it’s weird).
The Ghost of Christmas Present shows her the impoverished but contented home life of her secretary, Bob Hatchet (cleverly standing in for Bob Cratchit) and his wife.
Finally, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows her who she will become if she doesn’t change her ways. Naturally, there’s still fucking in Christmases yet to come.
Carol, inevitably, realizes the error of her ways, and is a reformed character come the end of the movie. Inevitably, there is still plenty of fucking from the fully reformed Carol.
Is It Worth Watching?
Surprisingly, yes. It’s actually a pretty decent adaptation of the Christmas classic, and many of its stars give strangely watchable performances like they’re in a real movie or something.
Standouts include the Ghost of Christmas Past (directed to deliver his lines “like a Roman senator”) and the Ghost of Christmas Present (who has a great time chewing the scenery in an outrageous costume).
Carol herself is less intriguing and, quite honestly, not all that hot for the lead in an adult movie. That said, she doesn’t sink the endeavour, and The Passions Of Carol is kinda weirdly good.
Also, did I mention fucking BILLY FROM PREDATOR is in it?
