It’s a man’s world, and that unfortunately extends to the world of porn. 95% of porn out there caters to men (whether gay or straight), and that doesn’t leave a whole lot for women. At least, that used to be the case; the situation is finally changing for the better.
Many more porn tube sites are catering for the fairer sex, and no longer do we have to content ourselves with porn that has clearly been written and shot with straight men in mind. This is a relief to me, if nobody else; if I have to watch one more nubile step-sister accidentally fall on her step-brother’s dick, I think I’m gonna have an aneurysm.
Porn for women, though, is only half the battle. It’s nice to watch porn with something. Sure, we can just use our hands/fingers like most guys do. But what’s the point in having all this vagina if I can’t destroy it with something?
Which segues nicely into the body of my article: sex toys. More specifically, sex toys that are great for using when you’re watching porn. Luckily for me (and you), there’s a great many there.
Let’s take a look at the 8 best.
Pomi Wand
Combine “powerful” and “mini” and what do you get? You get the Pomi Wand, a vibrator that’s marketed as the ultimate in discreet pleasure.
Just under 7” from top to bottom, the Pomi nevertheless packs a lot of power into its petite frame. It’s perfect not only for working the clitoris, but is also great for the nipples and can even double as a massaging device. It’s this last function, in fact, that makes it easy to explain the Pomi Wand away as not a sex toy – just don’t let your sister’s kids start playing with it.
Best Features Of The Pomi Wand
- Powerful despite its compact size
- Discreet; doesn’t look like a sex toy
- Lightweight
- Waterproof
- USB-rechargeable
Cons Of The Pomi Wand
- Not a penetrative toy
Crave 2 Clit Tickle G-Spot Toy
With a name that’s as much of a mouthful as the toy itself, the Crave 2 Clit Tickle G-Spot toy is for when you absolutely, positively got to destroy every last inch of your vagina.
The much-anticipated sequel to the original Crave, this vibrator packs a couple of features that put it head and shoulders above the competition. Firstly, the Crave 2 has an engorged head that vibrates and rotates to hit you right in the G-spot. Secondly, there’s a massage arm that works your clit at the same time.
The combination of the two provides some pretty explosive orgasms. What’s more, it’s got nine distinct vibration patterns, making it easy to mix things up. If you want to switch things up with a partner, it’s also wearable.
Best Features Of The Crave 2
- Dual-vibration system that works both inside and out
- Wearable for pleasure with your partner(s)
- Great for beginners
Cons Of The Crave 2
- It’s not the biggest
Seduction Stimulation Suction Vibrator
One of the things that often sucks about a guy giving you head is that he hasn’t got a fucking clue what he’s doing. Whether lapping at it like a cat with a saucer of milk, shoving his tongue in like it’s a dick, or just plain smashing his tongue about like a T-Rex that’s slipped its ropes, it can quite often be an underwhelming and frustrating experience.
Which is why they invented machines to do it better. The Seduction Stimulation is one such machine, and it’s amazing. It might be a strong enough reason, in fact, to simply take men out to the woodshed and be done with them forever.
This toy works on two fronts. Well, one front really, but it does two things. The first is enveloping your clitoris with the “mouth”, and the second is having the device’s “tongue” go to work on your clitoris. And it’s fucking rad. Again: let’s do away with men now.
Best Features Of The Seduction Stimulation Suction Vibrator
- Better than men
- No, really
- 5 suction and 10 licking patterns
- Battery lasts up to an hour
Cons Of The Seduction Stimulation Suction Vibrator
- Quite obviously a sex toy. No explaining this one away, sister
- No penetration
Jubilee Clitoral Licking Vibrator
So you’ve seen the vibrators. You’ve seen the clit-suckers. And now you’re wondering, like any sane person: “why can’t I just have both at the same time?”
Fret not, my sister in Christ. The Jubilee Clitoral Licking Vibrator has you covered.
This bad boy does exactly what it sounds like it does. It licks your clit, but also throws in a shaft that you can use to hit your G-spot. The combination of the two leads to some of the best fucking orgasms you’ll ever have in your life.
Best Features Of The Jubilee Clitoral Licking Vibrator
- Licking and fucking in one convenient package
- Adjustable shaft to make sure you’re hitting all the right spots
- Waterproof, for straightforward clean-up
- 9 vibrating/licking patterns
Cons Of The Jubilee Clitoral Licking Vibrator
- None that I could find
‘Deal’ Realistic Suction-Cup Dildo
Vibrators are all well and good, but sometimes you just want a thick, veiny cock to sit on, y’know? Unfortunately, those come attached to men a lot of the time. Fortunately, dildos exist. And some of them are even realistic.
The Deal is one such dildo. It’s 8 inches long roughly, 6 inches of which is insertable, and has a lifelike look and feel for that “this feels like I’m fucking a guy without having to fuck a guy” sensation. It’s also got a suction cup, so you can plant it and go to town.
It also has a simulated ejaculation mechanism with a pump. Just when you’re about to cum, you can squeeze that pump to blast a shot of whatever lube you’ve gone for, resulting in a more intense finish for both of you (not for the dildo).
Best Features Of the Deal
- Realistic skin/vein texture and balls
- Squirting effect for your pleasure
- Suction cup for heavy fucking
Cons Of The Deal
- No vibration/clitoral stimulation
Ezra 7-Inch Black Dildo
It could be that the Deal isn’t quite your jam, and that you need something a little bigger. If that’s the case, the Ezra may well be for you.
9 inches from top to bottom (with 7 inches insertable), the Ezra features a suction cup that can be affixed to any hard, flat surface, leaving your hands free to go to town. The Ezra is also realistically modelled, featuring no small number of veins, and is appropriately girthy and lengthy.
It’s also harness-compatible, meaning that it can be used as a strap-on for your fucking or pegging needs.
Best Features Of The Ezra
- 7 inches of hot plastic loving
- Suction cup for more heavy fucking
- Strap-on functionality
Cons Of The Ezra
- Not as realistic as the Deal
- No squirting function
- No vibration/clitoral stimulation
Dory Versatile Finger Vibrator
They don’t get as compact as this. The Dory is, as you might suspect, design to be slipped over a finger, in order to enhance your fingering experience.
It’s so tiny and discreet that you can slip it into a pocket or bag for some afternoon delight while you’re on the clock, and it’s great for use on your partner (or for your partner to use on you).
It’s also got a bunch of different vibration settings, so you can tailor the experience according to the order of the day. It’s not as flashier as some of the bigger models, but nothing can beat it for discretion. Give it a whirl in the next quarterly sales meeting!
Best Features Of The Dory
- Super discreet
- Powerful vibrations despite its size
- Can be used by you or on you
Cons Of The Dory
- Not as intense or powerful as some of the bigger options
Sappho Double-Sided Dildo
They don’t get much more gargantuan than this. The Sappho is a mammoth 12-inch double-ended dildo, each end of which can be independently operated.
This means that not only can you try to see how much of it you can fit, you can also invite a friend along to see how much she (or he – no judgment here) can fit on the other end. It’s also realistically textured, so if you close your eyes or squint you can pretend like it’s a real 12-inch double-ended penis.
Best Features Of The Sappho
- Fucking massive
- Double-ended, with each end independently controlled
- Can be bent for dual vaginal-anal insertion
Cons Of The Sappho
- I don’t have a friend
Conclusion
Much like the Pomi, I’ve only really begun to stroke the surface of what’s possible with modern sex toys. There are a bunch I haven’t even looked at yet, such as anal beads, butt plugs, and all the other weird and wonderful things that people pay to put up their asses. I heard they even have sex toys for dudes that now go beyond the tired notion of fleshlights.
Whatever your poison, there’s bound to be something out there that scratches your itch. It’s amazing what you can do with silicone and a twisted enough imagination these days.
